I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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