You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize