you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
