my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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