In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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