I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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