How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Text me some of your sweat
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
