Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
