i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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