WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
