Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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