I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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