I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
