There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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