some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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