Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
