he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
