You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
