It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
