So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
