the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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