Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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