Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
