I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
