so explain again why im purple
no
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
