So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
be right there i have to get my cape
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
