and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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