Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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