All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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