The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
