I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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