I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
