New low: just hacked my moms facebook
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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