Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
