will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There r osticjed everywhere
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
