Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
