I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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