nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
