Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
