You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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