the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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