I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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