me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
