I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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