I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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