Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize