I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
