saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
