I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
