Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize