We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
