gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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