Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
