He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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