doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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