When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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