toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Randomize
