I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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