This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
