If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
