found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
