I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
