The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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