i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
