Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
