he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
