So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
