dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
