like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
