It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
